I’ve Found My First Gray Hairs!

I complain that time flies so fast sometimes. I always say age is just a number, and mine is unlisted. Age is a topic every woman avoids. It’s even considered a taboo, to ask in any conversation. But who really gives a crap? We celebrate our birthdays each year, surely we gain another year and gets older. It’s called existence, humanity.

Last Saturday morning, while making different cutie-shocked-excited-funny faces in front of the mirror, as I always do, to make myself laugh, I saw something which I thought isn’t normal in my ‘crown of glory.’ Another crap cliché. I believe more than the hair, a person’s heart is his real crown of glory. Aight, we’ll just stick to what it’s really called, hair. I found some white strands on top of my hair. Let’s just say, a few. They’re not actually called white hairs, but gray hairs. Weird, right?

Having straight jet black hair for very long time, then seeing some gray strands is fascinating. Combed my hair several times as if, if I do I can forever hide the ‘intruders’ and forever rid of them. They were so silvery shining and really sparkled. I decided to do something and save my life! Overreacting yes, but I felt like it’s an emergency! Thinking of it now, makes me cringe. Not because of the gray hair, but because I’m painfully laughing at myself.

I took the forceps, they’re use to pull tiny-bitsy whatever, like eyebrows, stingers, etc. Pulled every gray strand I can find, at least got six gray hair strands: four very long ones, two tiny-shorties. The tiny ones really gave me a hard time though. I felt pain in my fingers while using the forceps. They love hiding! I felt well after, as if I eradicated pests in my garden of flowers. I felt relieved. I saved my life. I’m a hero in the making.

This morning, same routine, making different cutie-shocked-excited-funny faces in the mirror, I saw a couple of very long gray hairs, on the left side of my hair. Guess, the gray hair intrusion is not yet over, or in reality, it’ll never be over. It’s something inevitable. Getting, gray, silver, or white hair is a natural way of getting older.

People can get gray hair at any age. Some people go gray at a young age — as early as when they are in high school or college — whereas others may be in their 30s or 40s before they see that first gray hair. How early we get gray hair is determined by our genes. This means that most of us will start having gray hairs around the same age that our parents or grandparents first did.

Gray hair is more noticeable in people with darker hair like mine, because it stands out, but people with naturally lighter hair are just as likely to go gray. From the time a person notices a few gray hairs, it may take more than 10 years for that person’s hair to turn gray. That is a great consolation from all these. Now I’m smiling! At least, I may still have 10 years to have fun.

Maybe you’re thinking what’s the crap? Huge market of hair dyes are all over the counter, anywhere. Well, not for me. I promised myself that when I feel like my hair is really turning white, I’ll have it short and simply white. I love Sinéad O’Connor’s short hair and how Jamie Lee Curtis is embracing her age. Honestly, I’m not scared to do the same in the future.

It’s important to have a twinkle in our wrinkles and gray hair. I’ll always remember this. For now, I’ll just enjoy each day that’ll come. And by the way, I didn’t pull the last two gray strands that I’ve found. I decided to keep them. Each time I’ll see them, I’ll smile. They’ll be a reminder that I’m learning something new every day.

When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.

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It’s Okay To Be Sad

 

While thinking of how to start this post, these words keep on reverberating in my ears… “You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness.” Happiness and sadness have a very real connection. How will we know happiness if we haven’t felt sadness? We’re able to distinguish the difference between the two, because we know how each felt like.

Last week, I had a call from my sister in Seattle. I hate it, when the opening statement is, “How’s your day?” Well, maybe it’ll be great if you didn’t wake me up at 5:30AM. I have trouble sleeping, so a straight  5 hrs. sleep is great enough for me. I know something’s wrong, because the sister who’s calling me, is  usually the wacky one, she always starts every call imitating voices of celebrities or some of our funny old relatives, but not this time. She’s using a monotone voice and seemed forgetting our different time zones, asking how my day went when it’s obviously just 5:30AM on my part of the world. So I broke the pleasantries, and asked bluntly, why what’s the emergency? Still injecting humor sounding like a 911 operator. In a low voice she said my aunt in Texas was found unconscious in bed, vital signs are ok, but she can’t be wakened up. As always, instead of being consoled from the shocking, sad news I’ve heard, I found myself consoling my sister, and assuring her everything will be fine. We ended the call, with her, promising that she’ll call me right away if there’ll be any changes. We hang up, but before we did, I made sure she’s okay and however difficult, I still injected some humour to the situation just to make her smile a little.

That day, I was back to my daily chores, busy as ever. Evening of that day, we received a little good news, my aunt moved her eyes, then finally uttered some short phrases. It was her second stroke, doctors found 2 more blockage in her tiny veins in the brain. She’s very lucky that she didn’t go into brain coma, they said it was really a miracle of some sort. But… They can’t do anything about it anymore. The family is advised to just bring my aunt home, and be in a hospice care. We as Filipino-Catholics, have very strong faith. We always believe that mountains may be moved by prayers. It’s been second week now, she’s still doing okay. My siblings and other relatives are taking turns going to Texas.

You might be wondering why I’m sharing this? I am the closest to my aunt. I celebrated one of my happiest birthdays in Beaumont, Texas. A day I will never forget. We are best friends, not just aunt and niece, you know what I mean. But I was puzzled, I can’t show any emotions. I’m sure I’m very sad, I can’t be there with her now, and there is a big possibility that we’ll never see each other again. I know deep in my heart I’m crushed to pieces. It’s not easy having loved ones all over the world. I may have built-in a very strong wall all over me that even my sadness cannot penetrate my being.

At the back of my mind I still believe she’ll be okay. I have strong faith that everything will be okay, and we’ll see each other again.

We all have different approach to sadness. In my case I write  a lot. You will see them in my Tumblr posts or handwritten in my journals. Journals, plural because I have at least four all over the house.

There are two types of people in the world: those who prefer to be sad among others, and those who prefer to be sad alone. I guess I belong to the latter.

I keep reminding myself that it’s okay to be sad. Though I know this time it’s a different kind of sadness. It is with great fear of losing someone you love, and the reality that you will never see that person ever again. I should learn to accept this, only then that I can allow myself of sadness.

I am a dreamer. Finality is never the end. I believe one day, we’ll all see each other again.

I still hope for happy endings.

 

Hi!

I’m Alice. A newbie here at Word Press. I started 3 days ago. Honestly, my first post, “Should We Look Back In Anger?” was a ‘recycled one’ from my Tumblr account. I immediately got 2 likes, 1 comment, 1 follow, and 32 views. That made me smile. Thank you. Second post is a poem entitled “Twinkie-Thwonk,” that I’ve started writing in one of my journals last year, revised and made it current yesterday. I checked it today, it had 94 views, I also had 2 follows, but no likes or comments. Still, thank you so much. You’re all welcome to hitch and be with me in my day-to-day journey. We’ll have fun!

Twinkie-Thwonk

It’s funny

The wind blew my words

Away from you

I told you sweetly, I love you

 

But the phrase is carried

On the opposite direction

It’s lame

What was wrong with me?

 

I had a hole in me

An evil was festering

Inside me

It has doubled in size

 

It’s a strange place

Some kind of invisible line

A little harmless dreaming

I confused what I wish for

 

Out of your favour

Where I am in love

How dreadful

The things I put into my head

 

Do not fit together nicely

I squeezed my eyes shut

Took several deep breaths

Hope deferred made my heart aside

 

You are in my mind

You are in my heart

You are in my memory

Let the wind scatter

 

My words in all direction

I love you, and I mean it

For what it is

I can’t be running forever

 

In a constant state of confusion

Bouncing back and forth

Between grief and high delight

For this is not, or can ever be

 

I longed for you

Ever, day by day

It is an empty name

Tho’ the object seemed to fly away

 

Expectation wearies, and shall end

Solitary pain, the chase useless

Yes indeed…

Only the hopeless are starkly sincere

 

Much unhappiness has come

Into this world

Because of bewilderment

And things left unsaid

 

Should We Look Back In Anger?

 

“Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice. It is not something to be waited for, but rather something to be achieved.” ~William Jennings Bryan

In every heartbreak, all men and women are equal… It doesn’t matter if you’ve been good or bad, unfortunately either way, you’ll be crashed to pieces once, twice or often when someone breaks your heart. Everything is a result of a choice, a consequence of a wrong perception.

Everyone is born, lives, suffers and dies. What distinguishes us from one another is our dreams, the dream of finding one soul who will reciprocate the love we willing to give, unconditionally. We do not choose to be born. We do not choose our parents or the family whom we’re gonna have for the rest of our lives. But within this realm of choicelessness, we do choose how we live, and to whom we’ll trustingly give our heart and soul.

Is there really a right person for someone? If that’s so, who determines the qualifications? Will it be the heart who’s blinded with passion and longing, be trusted in doing the decision? Can the choice be right, if this is the circumstance? Can a person use his mind to choose when his heart isn’t agreeing?

All too often, we fail to focus on our choices upon results, and therefore often than not, our choices are ineffective. If you limit your choices only to what seem possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is a compromise. Then if you’ll live your life thru a compromise, will you be happy? But then again, I will also agree, that happiness is very subjective. Like everything else in life, being happy is a choice we make.

There is so much about our own and everyone else’s fate that we cannot control, but other things do fall under the jurisdiction. We can choose how we’re going to regard unfortunate circumstances in our lives-whether we will see them as curses or opportunities. We can choose our words and the tone of voice in which we speak to others. And most of all, we can choose our thoughts. Everything is mind conditioning.

Now the question is, is having a heartbreak easier to anyone? Absolutely not. It’s not a matter of asking whether you were good or bad in the relationship. It is the regret of wasting the time and the emotion invested in the relationship. Reminds me of the lyrics of a Coldplay song… Fix You. “When you try your best, but you don’t succeed. When you get what you want, but not what you need. When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep. Stuck in reverse. And the tears come streaming down your face. When you lose something you can’t replace. When you love someone, but it goes to waste. Could it be worse?”

Everybody hurts… The really tough choices don’t center upon right versus wrong. They involve right versus right. We become our choice. The choice wherein we decide, if we’ll make our heart either a palace, or a prison.

I still believe in love. No matter how many times I stumbled, stabbed straight to the heart, bruised, pitted to the ground… Pain is a sudden hurt that can’t be escaped. But then I have also learned that because of pain, I can feel the beauty, tenderness, and freedom of healing. There’s nothing anyone can do, for me to lose my belief in love. Laugh at me, as loud as you can, I couldn’t care less. I believe strongly that the feeling that broke my heart is also the very one, that can heal it. It’s love. Might not be for another person, but the love I seek within me.