My Lucky Charms

“For a wonderful physical tie binds the parents to the children; and—by some sad, strange irony—it does not bind us children to our parents. For if it did, if we could answer their love not with gratitude but with equal love, life would lose much of its pathos and much of its squalor, and we might be wonderfully happy.” –E.M. Forster

We all do celebrate Mother’s Day and Father’s Day and shower them love in all forms on these special dates, and there are also some of us like me who have Mom’s and Dad’s day, each and every day because they are in our care, and their health is not well. It is not easy, sometimes often than not their needs come first, and your time is no longer yours. You know you’re doing your best, but when you’re alone, and stress gets over you… You also ask yourself, why me? As I grow older, I learned to answer this question with another question… “Why not me?” These 3 words helped me all these years, tho honestly it doesn’t get any easier but in a way, my love for our parents motivated me more. It’s a real huge struggle, but it’s what made me stronger too, and very blessed! One day, I may share my life in a book oopppss, who knows! So I can share how some people and circumstances had tried to really pin me down to the floor (Metaphoric coz you can’t do that to me physically, I’m a big fan of WWE wrestling I know the moves haha, and I’m a heavy oinkie!) Magically when these situations happened and when I’m thinking it’s the end of the line for me, suddenly a certain blessing will come right away to replace whatever was lost, sometimes more than what was expected. That’s how it is, all the time! I am very blessed! And I know why… It’s because of my Lucky Charms! My Mom and my Dad! I love you two sooooo much Mama and Tatay, stay healthy and rocking! Happy Mother’s and Father’s Day to you and… To all children taking care of their parents, and sacrificing even their own happiness, you are heroes too, I know most of you I meet you in the waiting areas of the Hemodialysis Units, in hospital corridors, in Physical Rehab Centers, and all over the places. Let’s celebrate you too, you deserve a tight hug! And to all kids reading this, love your parents. We are lucky we still have them to love, to care for. Some are just holding pictures of theirs, and wishing they are still alive. Do it, before it’s too late.

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A MôTH

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“They waited for the elevator. ” Most people love butterflies and hate moth,” he said. 

“But moths are more interesting – more engaging.”

“They’re destructive.” “Some are, a lot are, but they live in all kinds of ways. Just like we do.” Silence for one floor. 

“There’s a moth, more than one in fact, that lives only on tears,” he offered.

“That’s all they eat or drink.” “What kind of tears? Whose tears?”

“The tears of large land mammals, about our size. The old definition of moth was, ‘anything that gradually, silently eats, consumes, or wages any other thing.’ It was a verb for destruction too. . . .”

Thomas Harris, The Silence of the Lambs

One of my most favorite movies of Anthony Hopkins and Jodie Foster, but honestly, I understood and loved the movie more after reading the book. Yes, the egg went first before the chicken, so to speak. I always remember this exchange of dialogues every time I see a moth. Last night, I kept pressuring myself to write something, a verse, a mini poem, any. I get this feeling when I overthink, I will feel so alone and numb after, and then I’ll resurrect myself by creating something, may it be poetry, a sketch, a sandwich, a banana floating in chocolate syrup haha, or just anything I can get my hands into. I was feeling this way last night, and didn’t want the added calories before sleeping, so I just opened the window in my bedroom and tried to look at the sky and see if there are stars, luckily there are, and it made me smile. After a while, needed to close the window, and there, I saw a moth trying to get in from the tiny space left before the window is totally closed. I didn’t want to kill it, or hurt its tiny wings, so I blew some air for it to fly away, and it did, back to the darkness of the night where it came from. I am melodramatic as always, so I whispered, “You’re free tiny angel of the light, go and find another moth to make you smile,” I knocked out in bed after that encounter with the moth, and this morning while trying to make myself laugh by making different annoying facial expressions in the mirror haha, I always do that every so often, yes “every” meaning, most of the time when I see a mirror anywhere, my mind by itself kept on visualizing the tiny moth and its wings. It’s actually a light brown colored moth, but I saw some sparkles of pink, silver, and orange in its wings. I might be hallucinating last night because I was soooo tired and sleepy, but still, I believe what I saw.

I created this blog WriggledTongue, 2 years ago originally just so I’ll have a space to write anything that I wanted to express on a daily basis, but because of life’s chores and distractions, and my laziness, I’d just posted few blogs and some poetry. I don’t really write thinking it’s for a certain audience or readers, or to get as many likes as possible, nah. I’ve been here taking my share of the social media spectacles, meaning, Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, Instagram, and this one at WordPress, just for self expression, so my soul can breathe, and sincerely out of curiosity. I always feel better after writing something. Whatever or wherever the status of my emotions is. May it be happy, sad, dreamy, tired, excited, etc. All emotions, welcomed. This is my first post for this year, I stopped posting April, last year. I’ve seen my writings to be sooooo negative and sad, so I decided to retreat from writing for a while, though it became for so long haha. I can’t concentrate, too much action is happening in real life drama, and I didn’t like being always one of the major characters on it. Maybe you have an idea what I mean… Well. This year is a new year, and a beginning to something, may it be wonderful, or hell, it’ll all depend on us, we are each a major character of our own life stories. We make our own paths, so we have to choose wisely. This is what I always remind myself of. I’m not a preachy person who’ll give wisdom and will tell you to do things, or change to be better, no I won’t do that. Yes, I share my tiny bits of learnings through my tweets, but it’s just that, my tweets. On my own, I learned what I learned through making errors, mistakes that helped me to do better choices next time. Until now I’m making mistakes, because I take risks, and that’s okay. I think sometimes we are underestimating our own freewill and intelligence that we succumbed to listening to other people’s opinion and advice, which is oftentimes never good for us. So it’s a balance of intelligence and heart, I said a balance, so nothing is over the other. But cut this crap I’m saying haha, to each his own, find a solution which is best for you and through it all, laugh. That’s the only advice I can give, I’ve proven sooooo many times by laughing, I remained sane.

Now back to the moth, I’ve chosen it to represent my reflection for today. Oftentimes, I say I am a butterfly. I’ve written a poem and posted it here referring to myself as flying back to who I am, a free butterfly. Something like that. If you want to read it, it’s entitled, “Mariposa.” Now that I’m thinking deeper about it, I realized I’m not a butterfly, but a moth. First, a butterfly is diurnal, it is stronger in the day, and flies enjoying the sunbeams and morning breeze. I love the sunbeams, it gives me certain happiness bathing on the beams, but I get to think and make good decisions, and have better understanding of everything I run into, at night. So, I am nocturnal like the moth. Or humbly speaking, a late night muse. The deeper the night, the clearer my mind. Philosophically speaking, night creatures do not tumble in the dark, and neither do humans. We use our dreams, our awareness, and our deeper, inner knowing to navigate through the darkest hours of our lives. Even at the risk of losing its life, the moth is ever-vigilant in following its path of light. The boldness, the fragile vulnerability, the light is its mother, it will follow her course at all cost. This makes the moth open to distraction, vulnerable to harm, it sometimes sheds its precious life, burning itself for being too close to the heat of the light. Such stubbornness, I can relate with the moth, in equal measures. So many lessons to learn from it… And to that tiny brown moth I met last night, thank you. You reminded me a lot about myself. I would love to fly high with you, but this time, to always have a clearer runway for happy, and safe landings.

A moth can blend in to the point of invisibility. How clever. This is a metaphor for us to use our environment to our advantage, blend in when necessary, adjust and adapt when the situation requires it. Never underestimate a moth, faith is another tool it uses to move through shadowy times of uncertainty. It never questions provision. It has complete faith that all of her needs will be met each night.

You’re free tiny angel of the light, go and find another moth to make you smile.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let It Be

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Walking in the dark, and thinking of one more step than there is. Your foot falls down through the air, and there is a sickly moment of so much darkness. Ending up underneath some sheet… Never to wake up.

Are you ready… Are you ready to die at this moment? There’s only 2 valid answers, and you can only choose one. Is it, “Yes or No?” Maybe, is not an option.

Morbid you might say, crazy, even sick. I’m young, I’m healthy, so much going on in my life, and still a lot I dream to have. Why should I think of death, are you out of your mind, sicko? I thought so too… Exactly. These thoughts, been rolling on my mind since last Saturday, after seeing the destruction the super typhoon Haiyan, left in the central part of the Philippines, the Visayas. Being in Manila, in Luzon, I am among those considered lucky, so greatly blessed, being just slightly passed by, the typhoon. Haiyan was a cyclone, said to be the strongest typhoon ever landed on earth by the International Weather Bureau, considered Category 4 when it made a landfall in Tacloban City, Leyte, and to its neighboring cities, like Cebu, Samar, Ormoc, Antique and Palawan, and was just Category 1, in Manila where I was, that Friday night. It rained heavily with strong winds, but we’re so used to having bad weather, so I was just expecting floods, which is sadly becoming the “new” normal to us here, since last year. But I was wrong… There ain’t any floods in Metro Manila when I woke up Saturday morning. I thought, wow, great! Then dumbfounded when I saw what my Dad was watching on tv, seeing the destruction Haiyan brought to Tacloban City, which was badly hit, they were washed out, literally. All houses were gone, as if the island of Leyte was eaten by the sea. Too much debris all over them, and too many dead bodies under rubles and some scattered on the streets covered by newspaper or blanket. At first I thought this can’t be true, it felt like I was just watching another “apocalyptic” movie, like 2012, World War Z, comedy flick This Is The End, or the tv series, Walking Dead. It can’t be true… But sadly, it is. It was very real. They were hit by the storm surge, locals described it as like a tsunami, 5-10ft. wave from the sea enveloping the island by a fast rising sea water caused by the storm. Difference from tsunami is, there’s no earthquake that caused the water to rise up to the shore, but a surge caused by the super strong wind. In 5-10 minutes of the storm surge, everything was washed out. Lives, and dreams. Day in, and day out since then, all forms of media, local and international, centered to the disaster, relief operations, the plight of the survivors, the damages, and death… The survivors begging for help, for water, for food. Too much suffering, helplessness, hopelessness. Miserable. Logistics, power outage, slow government action, all add up to the survivors’ misery. I won’t dwell on that much, this is not the time for pointing the finger of blame to anyone. The survivors need help. We are all grateful, the world is heeding our call for help, and assured us of international relief and recovery funds. The relief operation though slow and had just begun, is enough hope. I’m sure survivors will be given the utmost care they need. Now going back to my previous question, are you ready to die? Did you answer, yes or no?

Two nights ago, a friend from UK asked me, how I’m dealing with this disaster happening to my country. He said, he feels like I’m so strong still can crack a joke or two after too much bad news happening around me. Then he asked again, am I alright? Made me think before I replied. Am I really alright? Honestly, NO. I’m not alright. Very sad actually, who wouldn’t be. This is a disaster of a great magnitude and it happened to your own country, to your own fellow Filipinos. They are suffering greatly. But we all cope to disasters in our lives in different ways. Yes, giving certain amount to the relief operation is one, participating in the relief operation is a great one too, helping spread information thru tweets is another, asking your friends and relatives all over the world for donation is great too. And writing a post in your WordPress account, like this may help to the healing process. My friend’s question would not stop banging my head with sooooo many thoughts and scenarios. I finally replied and told him what I really feel about all these sad circumstances around me.

I have crazy thoughts, if you’ve known me personally, or at least read some of my writings, haha you know me. My imagination is kinda weird most of the time. And I’ve thought a lot lately…. Here comes the “what ifs.” What if, the super typhoon Haiyan, landed in Metro Manila, instead of Leyte? What if, I was directly hit by the storm surge? That’s a weird thought, because you might say this is a metropolitan city, not a shoreline or something like that, but you must remember that we are near Manila Bay, Roxas Blvd. where the US Embassy is also located. It is actually named, Luneta near break-water. It’s remote that we’ll have storm surge, but NOT impossible. How will it be for me? So in short, my mind played around all the aspects of how I’ll greatly suffer being a victim of a super typhoon, and or a survivor of such great extent of disaster. The 7-10 minutes struggle, holding on to dear life, then letting go to complete darkness… To death?

Anything can happen, to anyone. No one can escape death. If it’s our time to go, we go. Bye earth! Simply like that. The question is, am I ready? Or anyone, can anyone say that he’s ready to die? To leave everything behind. Then it struck me. Let me live! PLEASE! I still have a lot to do on earth, I still want to be fully alive and happy, I still haven’t met Mr. Prince Charming hahaha!

We often neglect what’s important in our lives, we tend to take for granted the simple basic things that we need, because we are blinded with the huge material possessions we acquired and still can acquire. In this often chaotic world, what we do is get, get, get… And less to never what we can, give, give, give. I remember the survivors of Tacloban City’s reply when asked what they need now? And the answer is constant: Food, Water, Medicine, Shelter and to look for missing Loved Ones. There was never a survivor who said, I worry now about my job, my promotion, my money in the bank, my stocks, payment of my car, my house, etc. etc. Nobody cares for that when you all need is to survive. We made our lives so complicated having so many wants and needs, but in reality all we need is family, food, water and shelter to survive.

Thinking about all these things I now take everything lightly…. In my nephew in Canada’s words, “Juz chill, be cool.” Haha! In my own words as I speak a lot to myself, “Let it be.” Often, we tend to be sad, or hurt because we hang on to things or people in our lives who wouldn’t want to stay. It is hurtful, hateful, being left out, being unwanted, deceived, replaced, and other negative feelings. When all we can do is let go. Why should you live in darkness, in depression or in hate because of something beyond your control? Life is short, don’t hurt yourself more. Be a great friend to YOURSELF.

It’s not death that we should fear… But regret. We only have one life, it can be taken from us abruptly. May it be by natural or man-made act, but nothing, not even a super typhoon like Haiyan/Yolanda can wash away the happy memories we spent with our loved ones. It’s within us, deep within our spirits.

You might be wondering, why for the first time, I attached a photo to my post. This is from an Instagram account of my dear friend Benjamin Hogue from Ohio. Besides the obvious fact that this guy, Mr. Hogue is sweet and cute, hahaha it’s not really the reason. This is the reason: If I’ll ask you what symbol or a sign that comforts you when you’re having difficulties in your life, or just something you need to cheer up, what would it be? For me, it is the sunbeams. I was soooooooo sad because of this disaster, killing my Kababayans (Filipinos) and damaging their land, their home, I was struggling to find something that will truly cheer me up, then while reading tweets last Wednesday I suddenly came across this picture. I immediately smiled and felt sooooo good. I’m not a Pagan, though not religious, I believe in one God. I always feel that God’s embrace is the Sun. I feel his love in the warmth of sunbeams. Sometimes we pray, attend mass celebrations, recite the rosary, etc. but let’s face it, God can’t talk to us one on one, but through our souls, through our hearts. To me, God speaks and answers thru the sunbeams. This picture comforted my heart, when I need it most. If that’s not love then what? Because I know God is love.

So…. Is anyone ready to die now? Nah. I don’t think so. As long as the sun is shining we’ll all have tremendous chances to make our lives better. A new day, to correct mistakes. A new reason to go out and try one more time.

 
***Acknowledgement to Mr. Benjamin Hogue for this picture. You may follow him @ http://www.twitter.com/BenjaminHogue and for all his amazing shots, @ http://www.instagram.com/dj_cracka_jaxxx69

 

 

Ad astra… To the stars.

Healing feels like wind against the face when wings are flying through air… Wiping away tears, mending each wound, and every ache. Indeed the scar is a sign of healing, of moving on, of letting go. It’s where the light had entered into our beings. Forgive and forget who’ve hurt you in the past, but keep remembering, how much the pain almost took everything away from you, and how it helped you be stronger. A constant reminder… Never again. In retrospect, this is the gift of learning, the year 2012 embedded in me.

A few days before the new Chinese calendar enter our spheres… It’ll be The Year Of The Water Snake. Today is a good day to go back to writing, my heart’s haven. Here, I’m home. It’s been more than a month since my last post. Intentional on my part, I wanted to be so active on Twitter, and specifically see its effect on me. I’ve realized two things, first is what I’ve already figured out long since I started tweeting, that, Twitter is a great tool for amassing information, both factual, and society’s absurdities. Quite interesting, I’m hooked on some bizarre scandals which I followed on sports, celebrities, and politics. Other than that, they (by reading blogs/links) feed me so much material to read when I can’t sleep. But sadly, most stories are for entertainment purposes only. I tweeted a lot about animals, that part is so dear to my heart, and will do more if I get a chance. And the second realization is that, Twitter is not for me. I am a restless soul… Ok, like other Geminis, we’re constantly craving for change, for challenges, for something new. If it’ll be the same thing each day, day in and day out, you can count me out, sorry. That’s the reason why sometimes I do Twitter breaks for 3-5 days. Just to have some new perspective. No, I’m not taking it so seriously, I know it’s a tool for social networking and whatever the tweeter wants to tweet, but, there are also people like me, who prefer a one on one connection, or rather… Personal interactions. This is my goal this year, other than spending so much time with my phone, and tablet, I will go out of my way to meet people. That’s what we’re missing on Twitter, the handshake, the eye to eye contact, and the feel-good warmth of a real hug. Sometimes “social networking addicts,” fail to connect personally. So used to just typing thoughts into 140 characters, or less, that they tend to forget, the word sincerity. We’re gifted with a beautiful, amazing surroundings. It’s time to go out, smell the fresh air, listen to the chirping of birds, dreamy-marveling the moon, and of course, what I love most… Counting the stars which are perfectly scattered on the ever mesmerizing vast of a sky. We have an amazing world, I would want to enjoy it to its fullest. So, if you see me around, wandering, wave please! I want to know more of you. Who knows? We can be good friends, for life! By the way… Do you have a Viber account, or a WhatsApp on your phone? They can be a good tool to start the chit-chats… Haha! Yes, I know! We can never fully turn our back to technology. We just need to be meticulous on choosing what would really make our lives easier without sacrificing basic human connection. There’s nothing really wrong with social networking. These tools make it easier, especially for families like mine who have members all over the world. We stay connected because of these applications. And I’m so thankful for that! So… Beam me up, any time you feel like it.

 

Honestly And Gently Looking At The Mirror

Taking a running leap through the hoop, even if it is in flames…

“The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them — words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they’re brought out. But it’s more than that, isn’t it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you’ve said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That’s the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a tellar but for want of an understanding ear.” ―Stephen King

A week ago, I decided to stop writing. The mind is clogged, darkness is winning over light. I didn’t want to give in to negativity, as much as to share to anyone, the abyss floating on my horizon. So, I thought it is the only available resolution, to silence myself, and everything will be just fine. It didn’t. I realized withdrawing from writing, which I love to do, is a direct assault to my soul, it is yearning to exhale. Lately, I’ve read many scientific articles showing that when we write anything about us, our dreams, fears, joy, and even our past, the pain of the past disappears and it’s replaced with a feeling of peace. Having a release, like writing, diffuses all the day in and day out emotions that normally create stress and anxiety. It is very therapeutic. Allowing the spirit to take over, and a lot of important messages that our soul needs to hear, written down. So here I am, writing, again.

“People tend to be generous when sharing their nonsense, fear, and ignorance. And while they seem quite eager to feed you their negativity, please remember that sometimes the diet we need to be on is a spiritual and emotional one. Be cautious with what you feed your mind and soul. Fuel yourself with positivism and let that fuel propel you into positive action.”
―Steve Maraboli

I’ve veered away from listening to my favorite songs, singer-songwriters, and bands which have “angry” song selections. I noticed I keep on feeding myself with their angst, and hateful lyrics, day in and day out. Sucking what’s left of my tranquil joy and hopes. I know, you might say they’re just songs, another venue of releasing stress and anxiety. But we have to remember, the composers of these songs, are also diffusing all the day in and day out emotions that normally had created their own stress and anxiety. And if we keep on feeding our souls with this anger, we are absorbing all the negativity, and we’re not aware that we are hurting our souls as well. I will always love YouTube and music helps me to sleep, but I’m a little choosy now. Must be songs of strength, hope, and those for the soul. Lately, I also stopped reading some tweets from my timeline, though not intended for me, I’ve been reading mostly negative comments, attacks on people, etc. Yes, I understand, most of them are using Twitter to vent out their angst and anxieties. But hey, enough already! Our world and our personal situations are not in harmony, it is a reality, but do you still have to add into it, and make others miserable, as they’re already? It’s a free world, I know. And I respect that, but sorry, I have a choice. And my choice is to ignore you. Like all the other negativity sucking all our energies in this world, you’ll remain just that, a nuisance. I happily registered to Twitter 3 yrs ago, with a simple goal, to meet new friends all over the world, learn and take all the information I can get, and share a little smile to anyone who’ll have the heart for it. This is our world, and it’s our responsibility, however small we can give, to make it better.

“The most sacred place dwells within our heart, where dreams are born and secrets sleep, a mystical refuge of darkness and light, fear and conquest, adventure and discovery, challenge and transformation. Our heart speaks for our soul every moment while we are alive. Listen… As the whispering beat repeats: Be…gin, be…gin, be…gin. It’s really that simple. Just begin… Again.” ―Royce Addington

So much I’ve learned about myself these past two weeks. I can’t enumerate all of them here. Maybe just a couple… First one is funny, I can’t stay being angry and negative for a whole week haha. I tried, but so weird, I’ve been feeling the flu-like symptoms. I feel cold, chills on some moments, and when I checked my temperature, it’s normal! I’ve learned that I can’t stand being upset and hopeless for so long. As simple as that. I can’t be cynical. It’s not me. I’ve always been a dreamer, and now I know, whatever happens, I will remain to be one. Maybe that’s why I love the sunrise and the sunset; they remind me of resurrection, after a death or an ending. Sunrise is the limitless chances offered to us each day, a birth, a resurrection. We are given the privilege to change, to correct mistakes we’ve made, and to start anew. Sunset reminds me on the other hand, to be real. Accepting the reality that life is not just happiness, prosperity, understanding, and fulfillment of dreams, there are certain things in life that I need to work on… To wait for. I am very impatient. But as I grow older, I’m learning to accept that I am only responsible with what I feel and what I do; the reaction and response of other people are beyond my control. In every sunset, there is a hope for the next sunrise; we just need courage to survive the darkness of the night. This segues to my second learning, letting go. It doesn’t mean giving up, but releasing the control. Whatever happens, happens for a reason. I cannot die every minute of the day, insisting how I want things to be. If something is really meant to happen, it will be fulfilled. Maybe, in two years? Three? Four? Ten years? I am willing to wait.

Life is going to find ways to test us. At times, we may feel that life is unfair. The urge to quit during these times is the highest, but don’t give in. Whatever our dream is, if it’s important to us, then we must fight for it. Just remember that there is more than one way to make our dreams come true. If one way doesn’t work, we just need to change our strategy. Never giving up doesn’t mean we keep doing the wrong things over and over, it means being smart and figuring out the correct actions to take, and then taking them until we meet our dreams.

“If I am to be fallen into love, I will. And if as a result I will appear to be stupid, disillusioned, and of poor judgment, I will. And I would be damned if I cared what other people think. For I would rather be thought of as all of these things, than not love. If in loving, I become the naked woman on the horse, I will ride that horse with my head held high. This is my spirit. I am unbreakable.”  ―C. JoyBell C.

This, I will always believe…Things don’t go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down, and build you up, so you can be all that you were intended to be. Reminds me of my two most favorite things on earth, the breaking of dawn, and the setting sun. Walk with a dreamer, walk with me. We all need to smile! I see a positive reflection on the mirror. Things are getting better, as I would want to believe. You can build walls all the way to the sky and I will find a way to fly above them… And meet you.

 

Whimsy-Dizzy Rumblings

“Bang you like a drum… This simply means, I love you!” I’ve found these sweet words written on a chair in the waiting area of the supermarket, last Sunday. I am convinced a kid wrote it because of the handwriting and the funny, red crayon used to write it. I am a hopeless romantic. I smile every time the words cross my mind. It’s sweet! Whoever wrote it must be having some intense feelings he or she can’t express directly to “the one.” Haha secret love, or must have been sweet thoughts waiting to burst out. Young love is the sweetest! Though, no matter what age we’re at, who doesn’t want to be banged like a drum, and simply be loved? Haha! Cutie, though I would always choose knowing surely, than assuming. So, to whoever had written this, go and let your feelings be known. She or he, might just be waiting for this chance, and would definitely want to bang you like a drum as well.

How do you want your coffee? I always ask this to new acquaintance or ok, to be honest, to people I’m interested to have a relationship with. May be friendship or to whatever it may lead to. “Tell me how you make your coffee, and I’ll tell you, who you are.” I love tasting someone else’s coffee. From having a sip, I’ll know if we’ll have a chance to bring the friendship to a wider range. Weird? Maybe. But I like sharing  a cup of coffee. I find it so sweet, two souls drinking coffee in just one cup. I will not write here how I like my coffee, haha! I won’t reveal that. If you love coffee, and the aroma doesn’t bother you much, maybe we can be good friends.

Last Friday, I had a chance to watch some parts of Mr. Obama’s acceptance speech in the DNC nomination. If he was a good speaker before, I can see he’d gotten better. He is a very inspiring speaker. With that said, I still feel that it’s an understatement. Please don’t get me wrong I’m not saying anything about how he is, as president of the United States, or his achievements in office, I’m not in any position to discuss that. I am an outsider, it’s actually none of my business. Although more than half of my family, are now citizens of the United States. I’m just saying, how great a speaker Mr. Obama had been. It’s quite a long time since I’ve watched and listened to a speaker that inspired me, and really convinced me to believe that each word he’s saying, is the truth. I even felt jealous, I truly wished we have someone like him here, in the Philippines. To keep us inspired beyond the economic strains, higher gas prices, natural and man-made calamities, and the unending cases of corruption in the government. I’m not saying everything is worst here, I’m just having some wishful-thinking. It will feel better if we have our own “Obama-spirit.” Something or someone, who will inspire, electrify, and energize the Filipino working class.

Lately, I’ve been contemplating again, if I needed to deactivate my twitter account. This is a constant feeling I get when I don’t update tweets. A little guilt-trip, I feel like I’m ignoring my friends/twitter followers when I don’t connect with them much. Do you get the same feelings? There are days when you just want to keep it to yourself, and be quiet for a while? I get this a lot, every time I’m in deep thoughts or something’s bothering me. This afternoon, I read a lot of Zen quotes about silence, meditation, and life. I realized that every human being suffers from emptiness. It’s just a normal, regular emotion that affects a soul who is in a journey to himself. Reading and writing for me is not just something you do to verbalize your thoughts. It is my source of meditation. After making a Picture-Quote at Tumblr, or a post here, I feel a little lighter. As if much of my heart’s heaviness were lifted. Though, sometimes, I wish this account is anonymous, so I can freely write whatever’s on my mind without prejudice to some people who might find it offensive or deliberate. But no worries, I have no intentions of “banging” other’s button haha. I would love to just continue sharing my tranquil rumblings to whoever wants to read. So, my twitter account is still active. I’ve met some wonderful people there. I’m sure they will be my friends for life. I will not just delete it, it will be heartbreaking. There are special, very sweet friends I’m keeping from Twitter. However hard to keep up a big account, I’ll do my best.

Wow! I never thought I’ll be able to write a lot in this post, but I did. Great for my 11th post, happened on the 11th day of September. Coincidence? A sweet one. This day, I remember the lessons of 9-11 attacks in the United States. Reminds me of the resilience, and true beauty of the Yankees. Hope truly rebuilt my favorite city in the world. I admire with the biggest smile, the people of New York. No one can terrorize and kill hope, faith, and the Yankee spirit. Love will rebuild it, and help it bounce back to what is beautiful, and what is goodness. I fell in love with its beauty when I first visited New York. I was there August 2001, after a month the bombings happened. I remember being teary eyed watching the CNN coverage of the tower, collapsing, chaos all over. Saddest day. Hatred in any form kills without mercy, but love resurrects, rebuilds, making each of us stronger. We must always be vigilant, and pray that it’ll never happen again.

“Those who attempt to conquer hatred by hatred are like warriors who take weapons to overcome others who bear arms. This does not end hatred, but gives it room to grow. But, ancient wisdom has advocated a different timeless strategy to overcome hatred. This eternal wisdom is to meet hatred with non-hatred. The method of trying to conquer hatred through hatred never succeeds in overcoming hatred. But, the method of overcoming hatred through non-hatred is eternally effective. That is why that method is described as eternal wisdom.” ―Siddhārtha Gautama

 

Phantasm Plus 1

A block of heavy rock is pounding me in the chest. My eyes are shedding too much, feels like the sockets want to fall out of my face. I have never been ashamed of my tears… Sadness comes in great waves. I am weeping. I needed comfort. I’m so tired of being strong. I wanted to be foolish. Frightened for once! Just for a while. For a day… An hour. No mask can hide it any longer. I am miserable. I am a prism through which sadness is divided into its infinite spectrum. Sorrow is deeply pumping my heart. I can’t breathe! Slowly, I feel I’m dying. I’m just waiting to see my soul getting out of my body, and then… I woke up. I was having a nightmare! I wondered why the alarm clock is not annoyingly ringing yet. I looked at the time… Strike two, I over slept. I smiled. Funny, the splendid irony of a dream and reality, in equal measures.