Fragments… Mouthful Rumblings

… hearing another soul ~ whispering to another soul ~ solitude is lost in a big crowd

… stars ~ twinkle and shine ~ without jealousy and indifference to other stars

… you have a new love ~ forgetting fate ~ you’ve just jinxed your soul mate

… who’s Mr. Dreamboy ~ mislead with a smile ~ an untrue promise ~ forgotten

… dreams ~ a geography of possibilities ~ my native land

… life’s miseries ~ either forget everything or remember nothing

… born to be wild ~ born to be free ~ nobody owns me ~ I am a willow tree

… before the first before ~ after the last after ~ there is dawn waiting

… my energy all gone blind ~ it is my mood which decides the weather

… silence echoes in every ray of the sun ~ it melts my heart into humility

… filled with ups and downs ~ there will always be “but,” “if,” & “and,” in a life

… desires grow bigger ~ still not enough ~ to meet the expectations of lost dreams

… life has turned in to a miracle ~ in wind of change ~ I am immortal

… gurus of love ~ no mantras ~ struggles of the heart ~ remain mysterious unanswered questions

… there is no wise or fools ~ existence is not pain ~ every ounce of breath ~ Love, I’ll still exhale

 

A Brief Crack Of The Abyss

In silver moonbeams

She searches the night

Barren heart

Soul so lost

 

Mute shouts of pain

As the sun rises soon

Oh man of darkness

Where are thee?

 

Come, take her

Set her free

Take your dark angel

And hold her tight

 

Veins racing

The pulse of who she is

Trapped

In the mundane sea of silence

 

When she gazes deeply

Back into you

Touching your soul

Do you blink?

 

Whimsy-Dizzy Rumblings

“Bang you like a drum… This simply means, I love you!” I’ve found these sweet words written on a chair in the waiting area of the supermarket, last Sunday. I am convinced a kid wrote it because of the handwriting and the funny, red crayon used to write it. I am a hopeless romantic. I smile every time the words cross my mind. It’s sweet! Whoever wrote it must be having some intense feelings he or she can’t express directly to “the one.” Haha secret love, or must have been sweet thoughts waiting to burst out. Young love is the sweetest! Though, no matter what age we’re at, who doesn’t want to be banged like a drum, and simply be loved? Haha! Cutie, though I would always choose knowing surely, than assuming. So, to whoever had written this, go and let your feelings be known. She or he, might just be waiting for this chance, and would definitely want to bang you like a drum as well.

How do you want your coffee? I always ask this to new acquaintance or ok, to be honest, to people I’m interested to have a relationship with. May be friendship or to whatever it may lead to. “Tell me how you make your coffee, and I’ll tell you, who you are.” I love tasting someone else’s coffee. From having a sip, I’ll know if we’ll have a chance to bring the friendship to a wider range. Weird? Maybe. But I like sharing  a cup of coffee. I find it so sweet, two souls drinking coffee in just one cup. I will not write here how I like my coffee, haha! I won’t reveal that. If you love coffee, and the aroma doesn’t bother you much, maybe we can be good friends.

Last Friday, I had a chance to watch some parts of Mr. Obama’s acceptance speech in the DNC nomination. If he was a good speaker before, I can see he’d gotten better. He is a very inspiring speaker. With that said, I still feel that it’s an understatement. Please don’t get me wrong I’m not saying anything about how he is, as president of the United States, or his achievements in office, I’m not in any position to discuss that. I am an outsider, it’s actually none of my business. Although more than half of my family, are now citizens of the United States. I’m just saying, how great a speaker Mr. Obama had been. It’s quite a long time since I’ve watched and listened to a speaker that inspired me, and really convinced me to believe that each word he’s saying, is the truth. I even felt jealous, I truly wished we have someone like him here, in the Philippines. To keep us inspired beyond the economic strains, higher gas prices, natural and man-made calamities, and the unending cases of corruption in the government. I’m not saying everything is worst here, I’m just having some wishful-thinking. It will feel better if we have our own “Obama-spirit.” Something or someone, who will inspire, electrify, and energize the Filipino working class.

Lately, I’ve been contemplating again, if I needed to deactivate my twitter account. This is a constant feeling I get when I don’t update tweets. A little guilt-trip, I feel like I’m ignoring my friends/twitter followers when I don’t connect with them much. Do you get the same feelings? There are days when you just want to keep it to yourself, and be quiet for a while? I get this a lot, every time I’m in deep thoughts or something’s bothering me. This afternoon, I read a lot of Zen quotes about silence, meditation, and life. I realized that every human being suffers from emptiness. It’s just a normal, regular emotion that affects a soul who is in a journey to himself. Reading and writing for me is not just something you do to verbalize your thoughts. It is my source of meditation. After making a Picture-Quote at Tumblr, or a post here, I feel a little lighter. As if much of my heart’s heaviness were lifted. Though, sometimes, I wish this account is anonymous, so I can freely write whatever’s on my mind without prejudice to some people who might find it offensive or deliberate. But no worries, I have no intentions of “banging” other’s button haha. I would love to just continue sharing my tranquil rumblings to whoever wants to read. So, my twitter account is still active. I’ve met some wonderful people there. I’m sure they will be my friends for life. I will not just delete it, it will be heartbreaking. There are special, very sweet friends I’m keeping from Twitter. However hard to keep up a big account, I’ll do my best.

Wow! I never thought I’ll be able to write a lot in this post, but I did. Great for my 11th post, happened on the 11th day of September. Coincidence? A sweet one. This day, I remember the lessons of 9-11 attacks in the United States. Reminds me of the resilience, and true beauty of the Yankees. Hope truly rebuilt my favorite city in the world. I admire with the biggest smile, the people of New York. No one can terrorize and kill hope, faith, and the Yankee spirit. Love will rebuild it, and help it bounce back to what is beautiful, and what is goodness. I fell in love with its beauty when I first visited New York. I was there August 2001, after a month the bombings happened. I remember being teary eyed watching the CNN coverage of the tower, collapsing, chaos all over. Saddest day. Hatred in any form kills without mercy, but love resurrects, rebuilds, making each of us stronger. We must always be vigilant, and pray that it’ll never happen again.

“Those who attempt to conquer hatred by hatred are like warriors who take weapons to overcome others who bear arms. This does not end hatred, but gives it room to grow. But, ancient wisdom has advocated a different timeless strategy to overcome hatred. This eternal wisdom is to meet hatred with non-hatred. The method of trying to conquer hatred through hatred never succeeds in overcoming hatred. But, the method of overcoming hatred through non-hatred is eternally effective. That is why that method is described as eternal wisdom.” ―Siddhārtha Gautama

 

Phantasm Plus 1

A block of heavy rock is pounding me in the chest. My eyes are shedding too much, feels like the sockets want to fall out of my face. I have never been ashamed of my tears… Sadness comes in great waves. I am weeping. I needed comfort. I’m so tired of being strong. I wanted to be foolish. Frightened for once! Just for a while. For a day… An hour. No mask can hide it any longer. I am miserable. I am a prism through which sadness is divided into its infinite spectrum. Sorrow is deeply pumping my heart. I can’t breathe! Slowly, I feel I’m dying. I’m just waiting to see my soul getting out of my body, and then… I woke up. I was having a nightmare! I wondered why the alarm clock is not annoyingly ringing yet. I looked at the time… Strike two, I over slept. I smiled. Funny, the splendid irony of a dream and reality, in equal measures.

Beneath

I let out a soft cry

Onto my melancholy pillow

I’d rather have the thought of you

To hold against my heart

 

I stand here watching you

So far away from me

I’d rather have the dream of you

With faint stars glowing

 

Pain is unseen

Daggers on my rainy days

I’d rather suffer the undying longing

The rich, elusive taunt of you

 

When will our silver-star shine?

Our paths are so endlessly long and aimless

Will you ever let me go?

Just like nameless winds slowly fading away

 

Every wound stings like fire

A destined journey to its finality

It’s like wings unfolded

Yet never allowed to fly

 

Only within the nothing lies the answer

My heart raced as I watch you stare into the faded light

A lost soul, I truly love

Behind a mask doth hide

 

A Short Excerpt From My Imaginary Novel

Honesty requires bravery all the time… As much as betrayal beseeches honor.

I feel his heartbeat against my cheek as fast as my own. His skin, slippery wet and he smells like cigar and my white cotton shirt sticks to his arms when he slides them around me. He presses his face to my neck and kisses me right above the collarbone, kisses my cheek, kisses my chin, my lips.

“Are you afraid of me Vivienne?”

“I am so terrified,” I replied with a smile.

“Sleep,” he says. “Nightmares won’t touch you, I’ll protect you with my bare hands.”

“Shhh…” I say, “Put your arms around me.” He slips both arms around my waist. I smiled.

“I love you,” I said looking straight in his eyes.

He frowns, trying hard not to smile. “Say it again.”

“I said I love you. I really do,” I said. He stares at me.

“I love you too,” he says.

Deceit… Lies implore commitment. Human frailties can excuse any evil.

 

Twinkie-Thwonk

It’s funny

The wind blew my words

Away from you

I told you sweetly, I love you

 

But the phrase is carried

On the opposite direction

It’s lame

What was wrong with me?

 

I had a hole in me

An evil was festering

Inside me

It has doubled in size

 

It’s a strange place

Some kind of invisible line

A little harmless dreaming

I confused what I wish for

 

Out of your favour

Where I am in love

How dreadful

The things I put into my head

 

Do not fit together nicely

I squeezed my eyes shut

Took several deep breaths

Hope deferred made my heart aside

 

You are in my mind

You are in my heart

You are in my memory

Let the wind scatter

 

My words in all direction

I love you, and I mean it

For what it is

I can’t be running forever

 

In a constant state of confusion

Bouncing back and forth

Between grief and high delight

For this is not, or can ever be

 

I longed for you

Ever, day by day

It is an empty name

Tho’ the object seemed to fly away

 

Expectation wearies, and shall end

Solitary pain, the chase useless

Yes indeed…

Only the hopeless are starkly sincere

 

Much unhappiness has come

Into this world

Because of bewilderment

And things left unsaid