Honestly And Gently Looking At The Mirror

Taking a running leap through the hoop, even if it is in flames…

“The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them — words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they’re brought out. But it’s more than that, isn’t it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you’ve said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That’s the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a tellar but for want of an understanding ear.” ―Stephen King

A week ago, I decided to stop writing. The mind is clogged, darkness is winning over light. I didn’t want to give in to negativity, as much as to share to anyone, the abyss floating on my horizon. So, I thought it is the only available resolution, to silence myself, and everything will be just fine. It didn’t. I realized withdrawing from writing, which I love to do, is a direct assault to my soul, it is yearning to exhale. Lately, I’ve read many scientific articles showing that when we write anything about us, our dreams, fears, joy, and even our past, the pain of the past disappears and it’s replaced with a feeling of peace. Having a release, like writing, diffuses all the day in and day out emotions that normally create stress and anxiety. It is very therapeutic. Allowing the spirit to take over, and a lot of important messages that our soul needs to hear, written down. So here I am, writing, again.

“People tend to be generous when sharing their nonsense, fear, and ignorance. And while they seem quite eager to feed you their negativity, please remember that sometimes the diet we need to be on is a spiritual and emotional one. Be cautious with what you feed your mind and soul. Fuel yourself with positivism and let that fuel propel you into positive action.”
―Steve Maraboli

I’ve veered away from listening to my favorite songs, singer-songwriters, and bands which have “angry” song selections. I noticed I keep on feeding myself with their angst, and hateful lyrics, day in and day out. Sucking what’s left of my tranquil joy and hopes. I know, you might say they’re just songs, another venue of releasing stress and anxiety. But we have to remember, the composers of these songs, are also diffusing all the day in and day out emotions that normally had created their own stress and anxiety. And if we keep on feeding our souls with this anger, we are absorbing all the negativity, and we’re not aware that we are hurting our souls as well. I will always love YouTube and music helps me to sleep, but I’m a little choosy now. Must be songs of strength, hope, and those for the soul. Lately, I also stopped reading some tweets from my timeline, though not intended for me, I’ve been reading mostly negative comments, attacks on people, etc. Yes, I understand, most of them are using Twitter to vent out their angst and anxieties. But hey, enough already! Our world and our personal situations are not in harmony, it is a reality, but do you still have to add into it, and make others miserable, as they’re already? It’s a free world, I know. And I respect that, but sorry, I have a choice. And my choice is to ignore you. Like all the other negativity sucking all our energies in this world, you’ll remain just that, a nuisance. I happily registered to Twitter 3 yrs ago, with a simple goal, to meet new friends all over the world, learn and take all the information I can get, and share a little smile to anyone who’ll have the heart for it. This is our world, and it’s our responsibility, however small we can give, to make it better.

“The most sacred place dwells within our heart, where dreams are born and secrets sleep, a mystical refuge of darkness and light, fear and conquest, adventure and discovery, challenge and transformation. Our heart speaks for our soul every moment while we are alive. Listen… As the whispering beat repeats: Be…gin, be…gin, be…gin. It’s really that simple. Just begin… Again.” ―Royce Addington

So much I’ve learned about myself these past two weeks. I can’t enumerate all of them here. Maybe just a couple… First one is funny, I can’t stay being angry and negative for a whole week haha. I tried, but so weird, I’ve been feeling the flu-like symptoms. I feel cold, chills on some moments, and when I checked my temperature, it’s normal! I’ve learned that I can’t stand being upset and hopeless for so long. As simple as that. I can’t be cynical. It’s not me. I’ve always been a dreamer, and now I know, whatever happens, I will remain to be one. Maybe that’s why I love the sunrise and the sunset; they remind me of resurrection, after a death or an ending. Sunrise is the limitless chances offered to us each day, a birth, a resurrection. We are given the privilege to change, to correct mistakes we’ve made, and to start anew. Sunset reminds me on the other hand, to be real. Accepting the reality that life is not just happiness, prosperity, understanding, and fulfillment of dreams, there are certain things in life that I need to work on… To wait for. I am very impatient. But as I grow older, I’m learning to accept that I am only responsible with what I feel and what I do; the reaction and response of other people are beyond my control. In every sunset, there is a hope for the next sunrise; we just need courage to survive the darkness of the night. This segues to my second learning, letting go. It doesn’t mean giving up, but releasing the control. Whatever happens, happens for a reason. I cannot die every minute of the day, insisting how I want things to be. If something is really meant to happen, it will be fulfilled. Maybe, in two years? Three? Four? Ten years? I am willing to wait.

Life is going to find ways to test us. At times, we may feel that life is unfair. The urge to quit during these times is the highest, but don’t give in. Whatever our dream is, if it’s important to us, then we must fight for it. Just remember that there is more than one way to make our dreams come true. If one way doesn’t work, we just need to change our strategy. Never giving up doesn’t mean we keep doing the wrong things over and over, it means being smart and figuring out the correct actions to take, and then taking them until we meet our dreams.

“If I am to be fallen into love, I will. And if as a result I will appear to be stupid, disillusioned, and of poor judgment, I will. And I would be damned if I cared what other people think. For I would rather be thought of as all of these things, than not love. If in loving, I become the naked woman on the horse, I will ride that horse with my head held high. This is my spirit. I am unbreakable.”  ―C. JoyBell C.

This, I will always believe…Things don’t go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down, and build you up, so you can be all that you were intended to be. Reminds me of my two most favorite things on earth, the breaking of dawn, and the setting sun. Walk with a dreamer, walk with me. We all need to smile! I see a positive reflection on the mirror. Things are getting better, as I would want to believe. You can build walls all the way to the sky and I will find a way to fly above them… And meet you.



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